un morceau de français

I was a bit of a swot at school, so when I went on a trip to Rouen, in my early teens, I was usually the one that was asked by the more linguistically challenged to suggest suitable phrases. For example, we soon discovered a joke shop that sold, not only great bangers but also, fake dog turds which my friend Stephen wanted to buy. All I could suggest was that he asked for un morceau de merde which first confused the elderly woman who ran the shop. Then the penny dropped and she exclaimed, ‘Oui! Un caca!’. On the same trip I managed to convince him, at least for a while, that the Boudin Blanc sausage in the butcher’s window was, in fact, un pénis de taureau.

I might have had some talent with languages but got easily bored at school, so tried to translate bawdy limericks instead of concentrating, which probably contributed to my poor French GSE grade. In celebration of my sloppy, puerile approach, I’ll try and recall one example.

C’était sur le bon bateau Vénus,

Mon dieu, vous devriez nous voir,

La figure de proue

Était en lit, nue,

Succent un pénis tout rouge.

Rather poor, as you can see (I’ve resisted the urge to correct it) and, quite often, I’m probably just as puerile today. If I can find them and am feeling rash enough, I’ll inflict, on you, a post inclding some of the lewd Batman cartoons that captivated the attention of myself and friends, during A level Physics lessons.