Wednesday, 12 August 2009

twecosystem blogus interruptus

I have recently rather neglected my blogs (rarely even feeding the poor fish – fortunately, plenty of smuts here to feast on) having become sucked into the twecosystem of twitter.

To begin with, like so many, I was snapping at the heels of the celebs, hoping to be noticed, including the inevitable @StephenFry - perhaps a follow him should be an automatic part of the signing up process! I was thrilled to get an occasional reply but you very rarely get followed back. So, thinking I would remain one of the unfollowed, except by bizarre or banal species of Spambots, I resigned myself to being a confirmed bottom feeder – no surprise there, I hear you all say!

However, I eventually, acquired a couple of genuine followers then, via @MrsStephenFry and the netherlanders: first hapless, lovelorn @Raymondstar, then the filthy, @DirrtyHans and Essex expat, the ‘modell’ @TheCristal plus, latterly, the lovely Fluffy, @MrsFrysPussy and the much put upon @Voolfiessonn, I fell in with a swarm of fellow followers (although, I prefer the term, fellow travellers, simultaneously more equitable and more dubious!). They proved to be just as entertaining as the celebs but much more friendly. I must also acknowledge the rôle that Marmite played, easing my passage into this niche.

Thus I find myself in a pond of often exquisite smuttiness, though still regularly manage to overdo it with the gratuitous double entendres but, generally they are kind enough not to mind and usually give as much as they get which appeals to my, ahem, versatile, inclinations.

The witty denizens of the twecosystem appear to fall into two main species which I might turn the honers and the cuffers. The former will present something lovingly honed that they prepared earlier, whilst the latter will improvise, tweeting on the hoof as it were. I generally fall into the hoofer subspecies, a cuffer with ironically poovish (for our foreign cousins, iron hoof = poof, homosexual, in rhyming slang) undertones, squirting my tweets hither and thither, with gay abandon and, sometimes, a little too carelessly.

A final word on the spambots, from the banal Shelley Ryan (whose variants sometimes return to follow several times a day after being blocked) & her sisters, offering marketing opportunities or tooth whitening, with too many numbers or random letters in their names, to the pornobots like Horny Kitty, plus the occasional exotic that I resist blocking, like Kalyn Raphael of ‘The Golden Flow and the Toltec Mystery School’. I hate to think what they’re channelling (I expect it involves juices of some kind) but hope it’s not showers.

Anyhoo TTTFN (tata twitters for now)!

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